


Runner

by Superheroindisguise



Series: Discovery 'Verse [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6424207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superheroindisguise/pseuds/Superheroindisguise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Doctor please, you and I both know that normal untroubled people don't make a nightly habit of running around like the Hounds of Hell are on their heels."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Laying on the unfamiliar, familiar bed in Rose’s old room at her parent’s house, Rose softly snoring next to him, the Doctor stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep that he knew wouldn’t come, to come. A week now they’d been crashing at Jackie and Pete’s, seven very long days, while their flat was fumigated. Once they’d made the decision to get their own place Rose and the Doctor had wasted no time in finding themselves a flat and the Doctor had to admit that doing the whole domestic thing - buying furniture, picking out china, deciding on paint colors - hadn’t been nearly as bad as he’d imagined those things would be. 

All-in-all they had a pretty nice set up and things had been going great for them right up until a week ago when a termite infestation in the building had been discovered. The building management had wasted no time in arranging to have the building fumigated top to bottom, and any and all damage that may have been caused repaired. This of course meant that all of the residents had to vacate the building for several days. Fortunately most everyone had friends or family they could stay with and the small handful that didn’t were put up in a hotel by the building owners.

The Doctor wished he could blame his insomnia on the fact that he was being forced to sleep in a bed that wasn’t his own (he’d grown quite fond of the bed that he and Rose shared in their own home, this one just wasn’t the same), but that was only a small part of the problem.  

Eleven months, six days, fourteen hours and eight minutes that’s how long he’d been living in Pete’s World, living his new life, not running. 

In the beginning it hadn’t been so bad, there were so many new and exciting things to occupy his mind and time. Learning his new body, learning Rose’s body, experiencing things for the first time as a human would, had kept him from noticing the stillness, noticing the claustrophobic nature of his new life. But things had soon become routine, predictable, and he was again starting to feel that unscratchable itch just under the surface of his skin that had been almost as much of a companion to him as the TARDIS had been.

So far he’d been able to keep himself more or less in check and prevent Rose from noticing his restlessness, but he knew it was only a matter of time. He didn’t think that she was quite consciously aware yet that he was starting to have issues, but the Doctor could see that her subconscious was churning away over the problem. It hadn’t helped his cause when one day the overwhelming urge to just  _ move _ got to be too much and the Doctor without much conscious thought to the consequences had jumped in the car and taken off no destination in mind just the need to be on the move. 

Of course when he’d finally come to his senses and returned to the flat two days later tail tucked between his legs he’d found a frantic and furious Rose waiting for him. After a thorough and well deserved tongue lashing the Doctor had promised to never take off like that again, but even so he still periodically found himself feeling caged in and an overwhelming need to be on the move. So he’d taken to nocturnal wanderings while Rose slept, first just around their building and then had slowly expanded out into the neighborhood. 

It was on one of these nightly excursions that he had found a park with a runner’s trail winding through it. He quickly discovered that if on nights where he was feeling overwhelmed he just ran and ran around the trail until he was too tired to move the itch would subside just enough to allow him to fall into bed and sleep undisturbed, of course when he did finally awake the next day the itch would be right back under his skin.

Letting out a soft sigh the Doctor carefully slid from Rose’s side and out of the bed for the umpteenth time. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a light t-shirt he scooped up his tennis shoes and padded light foot out the door. Making his way downstairs he stopped to sit down on the last step and slip his shoes on. Ducking out the sliding door at the back of the kitchen he inhaled the crisp slightly chilled air then randomly picked a direction and started running.

* * *

_ ‘Feet pounding...’ _

_ ‘One foot in front of the other...’ _

_ ‘Heart pumping….’ _

_ ‘Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth….’ _

The Doctor didn’t know how long he’d been out running when his aimless path eventually took him back by the house. Glancing towards the back patio area, the steady rhythm the Doctor had fallen into faltered as he spotted Jackie sitting on one of the garden benches. Debating whether or not he could keep running and pretend like he hadn’t seen her the Doctor found himself momentarily frozen in place when Jackie’s determined gaze locked with his. It was almost as if she knew exactly what he’d been thinking and was daring him to try it. Knowing better than to ignore a determined Tyler woman the Doctor let out a defeated sigh and began jogging back towards the house.

Coming to a stop in front of Jackie, the Doctor, chest heaving, took a moment to catch his breath. It was at times like this that he really missed his full Time Lord physiology , he’d never used to get winded before, but stuck in his now mostly human body he found it happening at an alarming rate. Of course the more he ran the better his stamina got, but it was the principal of the matter.

Without a word Jackie held out a bottle of water. The Doctor hesitated staring at it as if it was a bomb about to go off. “It’s not poisoned if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Still unsure of Jackie’s motives the Doctor reluctantly took the offered water, but didn’t move to open it. “Shouldn’t you be in bed asleep or something?”

“Yes I should, and so should you.” Jackie gave him that raised eyebrow that always had the Doctor feeling like he should be preparing for a slap. “You’re late by the way.”

“What…?”

“You’re late, you should have been back by this way almost twenty minutes ago.”

“Umm….wha….how….?” The Doctor was feeling a bit confused by the segue in topic and about why Jackie seemed to have been timing his runs.

“I have a toddler remember? He isn’t exactly known for willfully and peacefully sleeping through the night. Tony’s always looking for an excuse to be awake. It’s a miracle if we can go a whole night without him waking us up because he’s thirsty or hungry or needs the bathroom or because there’s a monster somewhere in his room. All though now that I think about he hasn’t used the monster excuse for a while now and that used to be a favorite.”

“Probably ‘cuz I monster proofed his room for him months ago.” The Doctor finally opened the water bottle, sitting down next to Jackie.

“Of course he would believe you capable of that but not his parents.” Jackie let out a soft chuckle. “But that’s besides the point, what I’m trying to say is that in case you hadn’t noticed Doctor, Tony’s window overlooks the backyard. Wasn’t hard to see you slipping out into the woods in the dead of night and it doesn't take a genius to notice a pattern.”

“Ok that explains how you know about my nightly runs, but that doesn’t explain what you’re doing out here now instead of being in bed.” The Doctor could feel himself starting to get antsy and he didn’t like it. This constant need to be in motion, to be on the move was starting to wear him down.

“Because Doctor you obviously have something gnawing away at you and you don’t seem willing to talk to Rose about it so here I am sitting on this bloody cold bench at some ungodly hour offering you a bottle of water and a sympathetic ear.”

That last bit made the Doctor pause with the water bottle to his lips and glance at Jackie from the corner of his eye. Finishing the water he lowered the bottle and began fiddling with the label. “What makes you think I need a sympathetic ear?”

“Doctor please, you and I both know that normal untroubled people don’t make a nightly habit of running around like the Hounds of Hell are on their heels.”

The Doctor sat mute staring off into the distance, not able to deny what Jackie was saying. It didn’t make it any easier for him to talk about his problems though. Time Lords didn’t make a habit of talking about feelings and deep emotional things, they were supposed to be all stoic and noble and the Doctor was finding it hard to break hundreds of years of conditioning.

“You’re starting to feel trapped aren’t you?” Jackie let out a soft sigh realizing that she was probably going to have to carry the bulk of this conversation. “Starting to feel this constant need to be on the move. No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to stay still. Being indoors it practically makes your skin crawl, You’re barely sleeping, sleep is damn near impossible….”

The Doctor stared at Jackie debating the likelihood of her having developed telepathic abilities.

“No I haven’t suddenly become a mind reader I just recognize the signs, Rose went through something similar when we first came here.” Jackie admitted. “I’m just surprised that it’s taken this long for it to hit you. You spent centuries traveling all of space and time, compared to you Rose’s time doing the same was a mere blink and yet it only took a couple of weeks for her to start climbing the walls, you’ve manage to make it almost a whole year.”

“Yeah well I’ve had a lot more things to adjust to and figure out to occupy me than she did.” The Doctor scratched the back of his head. “How...how’d she….?” he lowered his head suddenly not able to make eye contact.

“How’d she cope? That Doctor is a conversation you need to have with her.” Jackie could see that the Doctor was full of doubt and uncertainty. “Doctor do you think Rose is stupid?” 

“What!?” The Doctor’s head snapped up “Of course not, she’s brilliant.”

“Yes she is, and it’s not gonna take long for her to start putting two and two together, if she hasn’t already. You need to talk to her about this. Letting her see this side of you isn’t going to change how she sees you, how she feels about you. Treat it like a band-aid and just rip it off, it’ll bring you closer together.”

Not knowing what to say, which was an odd feeling for him, the Doctor just leaned forward, elbows on knees, and hung his head. The two fell into a silence that while not entirely uncomfortable wasn’t exactly comfortable either.

“She’s pregnant isn’t she?” Jackie broke the silence a moment later, her voice steady, void of any emotion one way or the other about what she’d just said. She’d had sneaking suspicion for some time now as to what the catalyst behind the Doctor’s itchiness was; time to take her own advice and rip the band-aid off. 

“Yeah...yeah she is.” The Doctor tried to keep his voice neutral even though he was anything but. He honestly couldn’t believe how much that simple admission made out loud hurt deep down inside his chest, in his heart. He’d been trying so hard to bury his head in the sand about the whole thing and if he was honest with himself his denial about impending fatherhood probably wasn’t helping with his restlessness. “Don’t think she’s made that realization yet though at least not that she’s told me.” 

While yes Rose was on the pill and he for the most part used condoms (there was the occasional slip where things got really heated really fast and condoms came as a sleepy after thought) it had just never really occurred to the Doctor that children were a possibility in his new life, protection he figured was just something that humans expected their partners to use. Time Lords didn’t procreate the way humans or any other species for that matter did, they weren’t compatible with anyone but their own kind, at least not without a lot of medical intervention. It should have occurred to him though, he was biologically human in most ways now so why not in matters of reproduction too.

“You don’t sound overly thrilled.” If it were any other bloke sitting there sounding like knocking her daughter up was the end of the world Jackie would’ve smacked him into the next century, but it wasn’t just any old bloke it was the Doctor and she couldn’t help but feel a little sympathy for the man.

“What…? No of course I-.”

“Don’t lie to me Doctor.” Jackie may have been willing to give the man some sympathy but that didn’t mean she’d just idly sit back and let him crush her dear Rose. No if this pregnancy was going to be a major issue for the Doctor she wanted to know about it now so that she could try and cut it off at the pass before either he or Rose got hurt beyond repair.

The Doctor gave up trying to hold himself aloft and let his shoulders slump, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. “Jackie I love Rose, I do with every beat of my heart, you know that and I’ll love this child. I’m not going anywhere if that’s what you’re afraid of. I just….I know I should be feeling thrilled, ecstatic, over the moon with joy….”

“But you don’t.”

“No, I don’t.” He’d spent so many years coming to grips with the fact that fatherhood was something he’d never have again, was something he’d had his chance at and destroyed. As a full Time Lord he’d been the last of his kind which had meant no more children for him ever. Yet here he was facing that prospect once again and he knew that he should be ecstatic at getting the second chance he’d secretly longed for deep, deep down, but all he could find himself feeling was terror. Terror that history would repeat itself, that if it did there’d be no pulling him back from the brink.

“I want to Jackie, Rassilon I want to...but I just can’t let myself. All I can think of, the only thing going through my head is ‘What if I do it again? What if I hurt my family again?’ it just keeps playing over and over in my head.”

“You would never hurt them.” Jackie couldn’t believe that the Doctor would actually think himself intentionally capable of hurting anyone he loved and cared about it just wasn’t in his nature, not the Doctor she knew. “You couldn’t-” Jackie startled as the Doctor suddenly burst up from his seat whirling around to face her, a look of anger like she’d never seen before on his face.

“Don’t, don’t you dare sit there and tell me I couldn’t hurt my family, that I’m not capable! Because you know what Jackie that’s exactly what I am! I am more than capable, I’ve done it before so what’s to say that I won’t again? I had a family, a wife, children, hell even grandchildren, back on Gallifrey and you know what happened? I killed them, I murdered every last one of them in cold blood right along with the rest of my people-”

He couldn’t do this any more couldn’t bare this burden it was just too much. Barely aware of the tears pouring down his face the Doctor collapsed to his knees chest heaving from his outburst. Suddenly without warning the Doctor felt arms wrapping around, arms that he would know anywhere. He didn’t know why Rose was suddenly there at his side, how she’d known that he needed her but he didn’t care just clung to her like his life depended on it.


	2. Chapter 2

Rolling over Rose was hardly surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. Needing only about half the sleep most humans needed the Doctor was routinely up and about before Rose was. So as not to risk disturbing her sleep the Doctor had taken to slipping out of bed and moving into their spare room, which these days looked more like a workshop than a bedroom, to work on one project or another. Rolling onto her back she wondered what projects the Doctor had brought with him to occupy his time while they were stuck at her parents’.

Even after several months in this universe the Doctor still hadn’t officially gotten himself a job, not that it was really necessary for him to find one right away. Rose had a fairly decent salary from Torchwood and they had managed to find a pretty nice and decent flat that was well within their means and neither Rose nor the Doctor had a lot of expenses other than the basics. 

This isn’t to say that the Doctor just lounged around and did nothing all day, he could most days be found in his workshop tinkering with something or in somebody else’s flat in the building tinkering away. It hadn’t taken long in their new building for the Doctor to establish himself as the go to fix-it guy. T.V. on the fritz, AC not working just right, computer acting up, just ring up the good ol’ Doc he’ll get you sorted out in no time they said. The building supper had wasted no time in enlisting the Doctor’s help around the place and while no the Doctor wasn’t officially on the building’s maintenance payroll the Sup did usually knock fifty to a hundred pounds off their rent every month depending on the work the Doctor did so Rose wasn’t in a huge rush to nag the Doctor about finding a  _ ‘real _ ’ job. 

The door to Torchwood of course was wide open if the Doctor ever decided to walk through it, but somehow Rose didn’t think that he ever would. Even knowing that this universe’s Torchwood was leaps and bounds different from the one in their universe, she just couldn’t picture him being content to work in a place that conjured up the emotions and memories that Torchwood did. 

Although when the time did come and the Doctor decided that he needed to buckle down and get a serious job and start really contributing Rose had it in mind to steer him towards something in the education field. Seeing the way he was with other people in the building (not just fixing their things but  _ showing _ them how) and from first hand experience Rose knew how easy the Doctor made learning, he was a natural born teacher.

For all intents and purpose the Doctor appeared content with the way his life was going, but Rose couldn’t help the nagging feeling whispering in the back of her mind these day? There was a heaviness hanging about the Doctor lately and if Rose were honest with herself she would admit that she’d been burying her head in the sand about it, until the Doctor’s impromptu road trip had forced her to look up and take notice. Now she couldn’t help but notice that the Doctor was restless and withdrawn. She wished that he would talk to her about whatever it was that was bothering him, but didn’t want to push him out of fear - fear that the Doctor had finally decided that he couldn’t do domestics after all and that if she pushed him she would wake up one morning and find him gone from her life for good. Rose was terrified that the life, the future she’d begun envisioning for herself and the Doctor was slipping through her fingers and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, with a sigh, Rose was surprised to see that it was only just a little past 4am. Yes the Doctor was an early riser but even this was a little excessive for him and judging by how cold his side of the bed was he’d been gone for a while before she’d woken up. With a frown Rose threw the covers back and slid from her nice warm bed to go in search of her wayward doctor.

Finished searching his normal haunts upstairs Rose made her way downstairs to continue her search for the Doctor. Deciding to start with the kitchen Rose paused at seeing that the back sliding door was partially open. Cautiously Rose made her way over to the door and peeked out, surprised to see not only the Doctor but also her mother sitting side by side on one of the benches.

_ “She’s pregnant isn’t she?” _

Hearing those words come out of her mother’s mouth made Rose stop dead in her tracks.

_ “Yeah...yeah she is. Don’t think she’s made that realization yet though at least not that she’s told me.” _

Immediately without much conscious thought Rose laid a hand on her stomach  _ ‘how did they?’ _ She’d only just started to have suspicions herself and in fact had ‘get a pregnancy test’ at the top of her to do list for the next day. Rose of course hadn’t told anyone else in case it was a false alarm, so how had both the Doctor and her mother figured it out before her?

_ “You don’t sound overly thrilled.” _

_ “What…? No of course-.” _

_ “Don’t lie to me Doctor.” _

Rose watched with bated breath as the Doctor slumped his shoulders, let out a loud sigh, then ran a hand through his hair.

_ “Jackie I love Rose, I do with every beat of my heart, you know that and I’ll love this child too. I’m not going anywhere if that’s what you’re afraid of. I just….I know I should be feeling thrilled, ecstatic, over the moon with joy….” _

_ “But you don’t.” _

_ “No, I don’t.” _

Those three words just about crushed Rose. Sure they hadn’t planned on having a child, had never even discussed the possibility of children, but once the idea that she might maybe be pregnant with the child of the man she loved had entered into her head Rose had swelled up with happiness and love. To hear that the Doctor didn’t feel the same way broke Rose’s heart, there was no way she was going to get rid of the child, but she didn’t want the Doctor to feel forced into something that he didn’t want.

_ “I want to Jackie, Rassilon I want to...but I just can’t let myself. All I can think of, the only thing going through my head is ‘What if I do it again? What if I hurt my family again?’ it just keeps playing over and over in my head.” _

_ “You would never hurt them. You couldn’t-” _

Rose jumped when the Doctor suddenly burst out of his seat and whirled around on Jackie anger flashing in his eyes.

_ “Don’t, don’t you dare sit there and tell me I couldn’t hurt my family, that I’m not capable! Because you know what Jackie that’s exactly what I am! I am more than capable, I’ve done it before so what’s to say that I won’t again? I had a family, a wife, children, hell even grandchildren, back on Gallifrey and you know what happened? I killed them, I murdered every last one of them in cold blood right along with the rest of my people-” _

Tears running down her face Rose watched as the Doctor with tears of his own crumpled under the weight of his burdens. She couldn’t take it anymore seeing him kneeling there on the ground chest heaving as if he couldn’t get enough air, tears flowing.

Pushing her way through the door Rose was at once at the Doctor’s side wrapping him in her arms. “Shh...it’s alright I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Immediately the Doctor clutched Rose tightly as if afraid that she’d suddenly vanish. “I don’t know how you could ever love or trust me-.”

“I do with every fiber of my being.” There was no doubt only conviction in Rose’s voice. “You’re not a cold blooded killer or this wouldn’t be affecting you so badly. You’re just a man who was forced to make an impossible choice in an impossible situation. I’ve never feared for my life from you and I never will with our child’s either.”

Never releasing her hold on him Rose shifted them around so that she was sitting cross legged with the Doctor’s head laying in her lap. The Doctor couldn’t seem to form any more words he was so choked up with emotions, so he just clung tighter to Rose and buried his head deeper into her lap like a frightened child trying to hide from the world.

Rose had no idea how long they sat there like that in the grass, it was long enough though for her to have dozed lightly. She startled slightly when a large blanket was settled over them. Glancing up she saw her mother standing there holding a finger to her lips. Glancing back down Rose could see that the Doctor was still awake, but completely oblivious to the world around him, a far off haunted look in his eyes. Looking back up at her mother Rose silently pleaded for her to tell her what to do, how to fix this.

Leaning down Jackie placed a loving kiss to the top of her daughter’s head and whispered, “you love him and you fight when he can’t, you fight the demons with everything you have. You show him everyday that he really is the man you think he his. You keep being the guiding light in his world that keeps the despair from consuming him. And in time with you by his side he’ll start to see in himself what you see and be able to love himself again.”

Nodding her head Rose once again looked down at the man laying in her lap. Leaning forward she ran a hand through his hair and whispered softly in his ear. The Doctor, haunted look still in his eyes, loosened his grip slightly and offered no resistance as Rose pulled them both up to their feet. Wrapping the blanket around the Doctor, Rose snaked an arm around his waist and led him back into the house.

Jackie watched the two of them go hoping and praying that she’d said the right things. They were a long way off from being ok but maybe now after tonight they could finally truly start the healing process and stop tap dancing around some of the bigger issues that needed dealing with.

* * *

Entering their room Rose guided the Doctor to sit on the bed. It worried Rose how little participation the Doctor offered as she crouched down to quickly pull his shoes off and then strip him out of his sweaty running clothes so that he sat there in just his boxers. He was acting more like a doll than a living human being and Rose had no idea how to snap him out of his current state. So wrapped up in her own thoughts it startled Rose when the Doctor suddenly clutched her in his arms as she settled them both back into bed. Snaking an arm around her waist the Doctor rested his head on her chest and clung to Rose as a drowning man would a life preserver.

Lying there curled up with Rose the Doctor could feel that unscratchable itch starting to form under his skin again. Cold tendrils of panic began clawing at him and he just wished it would stop, but he didn’t know how to make it do so. He’d finally reached a point where he’d felt like he’d started to make peace with his past and could start a new future with Rose, but the moment he’d felt that tiny spark of life and fully realized what it was and what it meant everything had come crashing back down on him and it was like being back at square one.

“Stop it.” Rose ordered as she ran her fingers through the Doctor’s hair. “Just breathe, you’re gonna get yourself all worked up again.”

“Rose I don’t know if I….what if I can’t do this? What if I’m a lousy father with all this baggage I’m carrying around? I don’t want to screw this up.” Words started rushing out of the Doctor like water from a leaky faucet.

“Hey, hey slow down.” Rose comforted. “You won’t be lousy, you’re great with kids. Tony and all of his little friends adore you and remember the incident with the Isolus I saw the way you were with Chloe and a little birdie once told me about how you treated and handled those war orphans when we went back to 1941.”

“That’s different,” the Doctor protested.

“How so?”

“They weren’t  _ my _ children. I wasn’t responsible for raising them. They didn’t depend on me to support them, provide for them--.”

“Again slow down.” Rose dropped a gentle kiss to the back of his head. “You know you might very well be getting worked up over nothing we don’t even know for sure that I am pregnant-”

“You are.” The udder conviction in the Doctor’s voice as he moved to lay a hand on her stomach made Rose pause.

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because I can feel it when we bond. There’s this tiny, fragile, precious ember of life burning away in the back of my mind….” The Doctor paused taking a deep breath. “.... It’s something I’ve felt before back in my younger days. Remember I told you that there was a mental component to Time Lord reproduction?” Rose gave a soft hum of confirmation once again running her fingers through his hair. “From the moment the Looming process begins we can feel our children come into existence, feel them grow into these precious beings….All of my children….I felt….Rassilon, Rose to be a part of that….”

“Shh….shh….” Rose leaned forward to rest her forehead against the back of the Doctor’s head trying to help sooth him. She didn’t like the way his breathing was starting to hitch and didn’t want him to start hyperventilating. 

“I’m sorry….” The Doctor whispered sometime later.

“For what?” Rose was caught off guard, not knowing what he could possibly be apologizing for.

“For getting you pregnant, for not even considering it was a possibility.”

“Don’t. Don’t you ever be sorry about this.” Rose tightened her hold on the Doctor. “Because I’m not. I know we didn’t plan this, never even discussed children, but it’s happened and I have no regrets, I couldn’t be happier.”

“You’re happy about this?”

“You’re not.” Rose really wished that the Doctor would look at her, but knew him well enough to know that if he were to get through this emotional conversation without shutting down, running away, he needed to maintain a certain detachment and hiding his face, not meeting her eyes was the only way he could do that.

“It’s….it’s not that I’m not happy….I just….I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with the thought that I’m going to be a father again. It never occurred to me that we would be compatible enough for this to happen. Time Lord reproduction is just so complex, that while not entirely impossible, it is extremely difficult to procreate with other species, not without a  _ lot _ of medical intervention anyway - intervention that Earth’s current medical level couldn’t provide.” The Doctor stalled a moment trying to put his thoughts into some semblance of order. “As the last of the Time Lords I had to give up on the idea of children ever being a part of my life again. Children just became a vague notion, a vague concept that happened to other people, but not to me, never again to me. Physically I may be mostly human but mentally….my mind is all Time Lord, I still think and process like a Time Lord so discovering that after all this time of thinking that I’d never be a father again, that I can in fact be a father again has thrown me for a loop. I’m having a hard time processing it all, but I am processing just be patient with me please.”

“Of course.” Rose felt some of the tension easy out of her. She decided to ask him a question that had been forming in the back of her mind. “When….when did you first feel our child?”

“Not sure six maybe seven weeks ago.” the Doctor shrugged. “I’ve spent a lot of time being in denial, thought I was imagining it at first, just a figment of my imagination, but I kept feeling it, feeling it steadily grow stronger.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Denial, panic, terror take your pick.”

“Six weeks.” Rose whispered softly almost to herself. “That’s right around the time you took off on your impromptu road trip.”

“Yeah, everything just came to a head. It all just came crashing in on me, I had to get out, needed to be on the move. I guess running has always been my default coping mechanism.”

Rose couldn’t deny that, couldn’t come up with the words to dissuade him of that notion because it was true, absolutely true - the Doctor in the past had always chosen to run rather than face his emotions. Rose couldn’t begrudge the Doctor his coping mechanism though, after all she’d been known to do her fair share of running in the past especially when she’d first been stranded in Pete’s World. Right then and there Rose made a silent vow that there would be no more running for either of them. She was going to do as her mother had said and fight, fight like she’d never fought before to prove to the Doctor that he was a better man than he gave himself credit for.

“Can I ask you something?” Rose asked some time later. The Doctor still wouldn’t look at her, but he had started to trace a very familiar pattern on her stomach. Even though she didn’t know how to decipher the pattern into words she’d understand it still made her shiver inside knowing what it represented and that the Doctor trusted her enough to share it with her.

“Anything.”

“If it honestly never occurred to you that you might be able to have children again why did it worry you when you thought we hadn't used any protection after our first time together?”

That question brought the Doctor up short causing him to studder in his pattern making. It wasn’t that he didn’t have an answer he just wasn’t sure how to phrase it without sounding like an idiot. “I just kind of assumed that, that was something you would have expected me to be worried about. That ‘you must always use protection during sex’ was one of those unwritten rules that you humans all live by, like don’t eat food out of jars with your fingers or you know don’t randomly lick things. I’m living a human life now on a human world I need to learn to start playing by human rules. So that’s why I brought it up, not because I was actually worried about anything but because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do.”

Rose couldn’t help the small smile that crept up at the corner of her mouth, kind of glad the Doctor wasn’t looking at her right then - wouldn’t do to have him think she was laughing at him. “Well you’re partially right, although it’s ‘should use protection’ not must. It’s not a mandatory thing, lots of people foolishly don’t but it’s their choice. Not only does it reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancies it also greatly reduces your chances of getting an STD. Though that second one wasn’t ever really a worry for us, I know I’m clean and since you’ve never had sex with anyone but me it’s a pretty good bet that you are too.”

“Oh,” yep he was an idiot, he didn’t know how Rose ever put up with him. “You must think I’m the biggest idiot. How I must disappoint you, ‘look at the Doctor, look at the once mighty Time Lord, see how far he’s fallen-.”

“Stop that right now and look at me.” Rose was  _ not _ going to lay there and listen to the Doctor tear himself down. The Doctor shut up but didn’t move. “Doctor please….”

Hearing the desperation in Rose’s voice the Doctor knew he couldn’t resist and soon found himself laying on his side face to face with Rose.

“Now listen to me, you are not an idiot.” She gently cupped the side of his face and punctuated the statement with a kiss to his forehead. “And I’m certainly not disappointed in you for not knowing how to be human. For all of the time that you spent on Earth and around humans, Earth and humanity are not your culture, not your heritage so why should you be expected to know every little minute detail about it? Think of it this way if our positions were reversed and I’d suddenly found myself mostly Time Lord and living on Gallifrey, would you be disappointed with me because I didn’t know how to be a Time Lord?”

“No of course not. Gallifreyan culture is very complex I would never expect someone who’d been human their whole life to be able to fully integrate….oh right point made.” The Doctor glanced down sheepishly.

“Good now will you promise me that from now on if you find yourself unsure of something about being human that you’ll talk to me about it and not just react the way you  _ think _ I’d want you to.”

“Yeah, yeah I think I can do that.”

“Right well I don’t know about you but I could really use some sleep, it’s been a long night.” Rose adjusted her position so that she could rest comfortably with her head on the Doctor’s shoulder, arm thrown over his chest.

“Sleep, yeah that sounds good.” The Doctor wrapped the arm of the shoulder Rose was lying on around her shoulders and brought his other hand up to rest on top of the one Rose had on his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

“Go ahead out with it.” The Doctor broke the silence sometime later giving up any pretense of sleeping. Something was on Rose’s mind, he could practically feel the tension radiating off of her. It was becoming obvious to him that neither of them was going to get any sleep until they’d had this out too.

“Hmm what?” Rose startled out of her thoughts at the Doctor’s unexpected voice, glancing up to meet his gaze.

“Whatever it is that’s churning away in that beautiful head of yours. I can practically see your wheels turning.”

“Oh,” Rose found that she suddenly couldn’t make eye contact with the Doctor. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Go back to sleep.”

Letting out a soft sigh the Doctor reached up to gently grip Rose’s chin. “Rose whatever it is it’s not nothing. Something is clearly bothering you, please just tell me about it. Whatever it is it can’t be any worse than my emotional baggage.”

Rose couldn’t help the slight wince that last part caused “It’s nothing really please just let it go.”

“Rose,” He wasn’t going to back down.

Rose knew she was beat, there was no denying the Doctor when he combined _that_ _look_ and _that_ _tone_. “It’s just something that I’ve wondered about off and on over the years. Don’t feel like you have to answer or talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Rose don’t ever feel like you can’t ask or talk to me about things.” The Doctor adjusted their positions slightly so that they were lying face to face again. Leaning forward he rested his forehead against Rose’s running his hand down her arm to entwine their fingers together.

“It’s just that you say that you had a wife and children, and grandchildren, but you don’t ever _really_ talk about them, just a lot of vagueness. Don’t get me wrong I completely understand why you don’t and the pain those memories must cause you.” Rose closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, before opening them to meet the Doctor’s once again. “It’s just that I wonder sometimes ‘what were they like? How did your wife and you meet? How many children, grandchildren did you have? What made you decide to steal the TARDIS and leave them behind?’ You know those kinds of things.”

The Doctor took his own deep breath, trying to order his thoughts before answering. “You’re right I don’t talk about my family in detail, not dwelling on them is the only way I know of to keep me going day in and day out.” The Doctor brought their joined hands up to kiss the back of Rose’s “But maybe….maybe it’s time that I stop trying to avoid the pain and honor their memory. So Rose Tyler what would you like to know?”

“Everything, start from the beginning.”

And that’s exactly what the Doctor did. It wasn’t easy and he found himself struggling for words more often than not. All of those memories were churning up all kinds of emotions in him, emotions he’d spent years burying. Talking about his past, his family was probably one of the hardest things he’d had to do but he knew that it was necessary, that he needed to do it if he was going to be able to move on and start this new phase of his life with Rose and their child. He didn’t know how long they laid there talking but by the time they’d drifted back off to sleep the sun was well on it’s way above the horizon.

* * *

“I’m going to need to get a job, a _real_ job.” The Doctor blurted out several hours later, the realization that he now had a family he had to support pulling him from sleep; kids weren’t cheap after all.

“Hmm,” Rose made a noncommittal sound, snuggling in closer to the Doctor’s side not ready to leave the comforting embrace of sleep.

“No really Rose I need to find a job and soon.” the Doctor started getting animated. “We have a baby on the way, we’re going to need to get diapers, formula, clothes, a crib….hell we’re going to need to find a bigger place --.”

“Doctor,” Rose placed a finger over the Doctor’s lips. “There will be plenty of time for that and you know my parents will be more than willing to help out if needed.”

“No,” he pulled back slightly. “No, there will be no financial aid from your parents. Don’t get me wrong I love them and know they’d do it in a heartbeat no strings attached, but Rose this...this is something I want, no _need_ us to do on our own just the two of us.”

“Yeah ok, I get it.” And she did she really did.

“Thank you.” He leaned forward to give her a loving kiss.

“There’s always Torchwood.” Rose half heartedly suggested already knowing the answer but feeling like she should put the option out there anyway.

“No.” Yep there was the answer she’d expected. “I was thinking maybe….”

“Maybe what Doctor?”

“Maybe I could teach.” The Doctor glanced away suddenly feeling shy. “I mean I’ve done it before, sort of anyway, and I kind of actually enjoyed it.”

Rose couldn’t help the knowing grin on her face. “I think you’d make a great teacher.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at how quickly she’d agreed. “You’ve been thinking about this already.”

“Possibly.” Rose brought a hand up to caress the Doctor’s cheek. “I’ve known pretty much from day one that you would never accept a job at Torchwood even a different, better version, too many memories and emotions tied to the place for you. Knowing that I started trying to think of other things you could do when the time came and you decided a job was something you wanted and naturally my mind kept bringing me back to teaching. It’s something you’ve always been fantastic at, I know from first hand experience how easy and fun you can make learning new things.”

“You’ve never said anything about this before; me getting a job and what it should be, why?” The doctor brought his own hand up to push a lock or Rose’s hair behind her ear.

“Didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you, pushing you into something you weren’t ready for yet.”

“Rose Tyler what did I ever do to deserve you?” The Doctor pulled Rose in for a slow leisurely kiss.

Rose briefly pulled back slightly, “No idea but if you figure it out before me you’ll let me know, yeah.”

“Yeah.” With that the Doctor pulled Rose back in deepening the kiss this time.

It didn’t take long for the overwhelming need and desire they felt for each other to take over leading to a nice leisurely afternoon of bodily exploration while bring each other to heights of passion and pleasure.


End file.
